Originally Posted by
sadsadgirl 
Why did I pick up again? I knew what was going to happen! But couldn't say no!
You mention in your past posts that AA was helping you at one point - are you still involved? You have had many "after the fact" threads wishing you wouldn't have drank and wondering why you did. That's common too so don't feel like you are the only one to be in that situation.
But re-read your statement above. You CAN say no - absolutely. And if you feel you can't, you call your sponsor, check in here, go to a meeting - there are lots of choices you can make. But you must first accept that you are an addict and then take action to surround yourself with tools so you don't pick up the first drink. If not you'll simply continue on this same cycle indefinitely.
Have you considered joining a daily or monthly thread here to check in on a regular basis?