Hi Sephra,
I do not post much but, am here reading almost everyday.
All I can add is when we were going through HELL with our AS and I was so tired of the Roller Coaster.......
Zoso said, "then, get off"......it really hit me hard and so we did. I know it's a lot different when it is not your son but, a stepson but, it still applies.
Get off the Roller Coaster. I guess what I am saying if it means your safety, sanity then you need to tell DH that you can no longer live like this. He needs to STOP enabling........
When you no longer feel safe in your own home and there is constant eruption, then something needs to happen.
Prayers for you and prayers for strength..