Hi Smarie78. I hope your Abf truly recognizes and is grateful for your continued love and support. I know it is very tough to stick with an alcoholic or addict. But I also know they can be wonderful, incredibly lovable people who are truly ill. Overcoming addiction most certainly CAN be done as countless people have proven
I am an alcoholic and have been battling my addiction for 10 years. I am also very,
very newly sober and I've had this scenario pop up countless times with my ex(es) and I thought I might offer my own experience and views
Being newly sober and having reached a serious (yet positive!) cornerstone in my Recovery I myself could not be with anyone who would casually drink in front of me regularly. It just simply isn't worth the risk. I can't have it in the house and I refuse to be around someone who is drinking (right now while I know I am fragile). In the past I have tried so hard to be normal and brave and supportive and I really honestly wanted my partner to be able to have a few without issue. But the truth is it made it harder for me every single time my xbf drank around me. And being newly sober I just simply can't afford that ... addiction is life or death.
That said, I totally understand your right to drink and have that freedom and option in your life. Which is exactly why for so long I would lie and just say I was ok with it when I really wasn't. Maybe your bf really honestly is ok with it ... I obviously don't know him but I would guess it bothers him to at least some extent. I know folks have various opinions on the allergy theory but I am going to use it here anyway. I think that no matter what your opinion on this topic everyone can agree that alcohol is a huge issue and danger to your Abf, just like it is to every alcoholic. The argument was often used to me that my partner wanted to have alcohol around because that was his right and freedom (which it is) and he wanted to be able to offer a nice, expensive Scotch to his father when he came over. Now, what if it was a deadly shellfish allergy we were talking about here? I don't think many partners would even consider insisting that it is acceptable to have shellfish around to endanger their spouse. I think this is especially important for folks in early recovery though I think many won't admit it. When they have some solid sober time under their belt and have proven to have a successful recovery plan over time and were a lot stronger I would perhaps revisit this issue. But for now , for me, I just can't go there. I am really sorry if that causes issues for others and I am sorry it caused issues for my ex. If I could push a button so booze was no longer an issue for me (and my friends and family around me) I certainly would ... but I can't. It is what it is.
If you feel you must have a couple I would suggest doing it when he isn't around and when you won't be seeing him after. It sounds like you are a wonderful gf to your bf and have probably sacrificed a LOT in the name of Recovery for him. I certainly don't think you must absolutely quit alcohol for him, though many do and it helps. I just wouldn't do it anywhere near him. Honestly supporting him in this way is probably one of the most loving and supportive things you could do for him.
Just my experience and opinion. I wish the best for both of you.
~Blessings~