Hh,
The last couple years of my marriage, I didn't even like the person that I had become. I was so angry, and sad, and mean towards my x and life. The whole addiction thing consumed me. I couldn't think straight because I was no longer sleeping. But when I was living it, I had no idea what had taken over my life, what was controlling me.
I worked my program. Didn't engage with axh, went to many meetings, read books on addiction and self help books, read sr nearly every night. It took a long time before I came out of this deep dark fog that I had lived in for 34 years. I survived.
Not only did I survive, I am thriving. I bought a little town home, I have a good job with benefits, I have a great relationship with my 2 daughters, I smile and am happy again. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It took me years and years to get here, but I had to feel the burn, before I could arrive.
I am sending hugs to you my friend, we do all care about each other and want each and everyone on this forum to thrive and be happy!! Please stick with us, we can slowly help.