Another failed attempt at getting sober. Relapsed a few days ago and have been drunk all weekend. Sunday night has rolled around and I am shaking, heart racing, crying and have a fever. I HAVE to work tomorrow. Worse than that, I can't even see the doctor to get benzos for the comedown because I have a drug test tomorrow for a promotion. I am so lost, you guys. My life is falling apart. I don't even know what to do anymore and I feel like such a baby for posting on here every couple weeks even though I NEVER actually get my act together. I just keep doing the same ******* ******** every couple of weeks. I don't see a way out of this cycle and I am starting to get so scared. I can't afford rehab and if I go away for longer than a few days, I will surely lose my job. I drank away half of my rent money this weekend and broke my guitar and computer while I was blackout drunk for reasons unknown to me. So... I can't even pawn the only valuable stuff I had to keep a roof over my head because my genius ass decided to throw a hissy fit. I also said some horrible stuff to my room mate and didn't remember it. I missed a history test deadline because I didn't even know what day it was yesterday. I feel so hopeless. I know the emotional neediness I have right now is my dopamine having been destroyed by booze, so I apologize, but I appreciate everyone on this forum. I really need you all right now because I think most of my friends are seriously fed up with my nonsense. I don't even blame them. Good lord. But... typing this made me feel better, but I need a real solution to this. Otherwise, I am seriously going to lose everything I love and maybe even my life. If I came this far in 10 years of drinking, I can't imagine how screwed up I'll be in another 10. Thanks in advance, friends. It really means a lot to me that y'all care. Here we go again, for the LAST time. Fingers crossed.
