Hello and welcome to SR, it's good to have you with us.
Most of us have had alcoholic blackouts, in some ways I'm pleased I can't remember all of what I got up to, that's a side of me that I'm more than happy to let go of.
It took me a long time, but I've finally accepted that I cannot safely drink. Not ever. There isn't any time in the future when suddenly all the years of working hard to recover from alcoholism means I'm changed and it will be ok.
I don't have to like it. But it's a fact.
When you say you had 2 years of sobriety, but got drunk twice...those are conflicting sentences. In the same way I could say I have 4 years of sobriety but got drunk 3 or 4 times...it doesn't work. It kind of sets me up to think the odd drink or 2 doesn't matter...and it most definitely does.
I've had some real anxieties and regrets over the things I did drunk, but I'm having to learn that in order to move forward I've had to let go of the past, make my amends to those I hurt, and move forward living a life where I'm honest, kind and helpful to others.
You are young, and have your whole life ahead of you. Pleased you found us.