I couldn't give him what he wanted
I've been doing a lot work staying present in my body and really working out what I am feeling and why. This past week I've been feeling a lot of pain over what I thought was missing the ex and all the things we used to do. I follow through and really put myself in my own shoes at that time and what I felt was... annoyance, disappointment, anger, resentment... I hadn't had fun with the ex in such a long time, at least the last couple years we were together.
He wanted to be with someone who was happy to see him, who fully accepted him warts and all. Makes me sad to realize I wasn't that person. I wasn't happy to see him, I didn't accept him as he was. He tried to change for me but I could tell he wasn't happy, he didn't WANT to change and I didn't want to be that girl that got what she wanted out her guy but he was miserable. Either way it was over between us.
It doesn't matter if he's still drinking or she's an enabler, they're happy with the way things are right now. She is able to give him something I can't and that's ok because giving him what he wanted would have been harmful to me. I don't know why but this realization is helping me a lot right now