Originally Posted by
kgr103110 
Thanks for all the replies... Here's an update:
My husband woke up this morning with a laundry list of stupid things I've done while drinking. This basically confirms what I said on here last night (earlier this morning) - I really don't have a right to call him out on his drunken behavior.
I think that's one of the things I hate most about being an alcoholic. No matter how many days I stay sober or how much better life becomes... The past is always there. And I think it will always haunt me, and others can use it against me. What can I say to that? I did those things. It's true.
So long story short, I wasn't the drunken mess last night - but I still feel bad about myself and my choices the same way I did after a binge.
Sweetheart: You've brought something up that most of us can sure relate to: REGRET. Feeling bad and unable to forgive ourselves for what we've done, etc. That regret doesn't just go away...but TIME helps; just giving yourself time to heal what wounds are within you; even self inflicted wounds. But it does take time and there is hope that those wounds will heal with more sober time and dealing with life on life's terms. None of us can go back and change things we've already done. There is no special time capsule to do that....what we have is NOW; right here, right now....and sometimes we are thankful for just a few moments to BREATHE, pause, and soak in the beauty of life. A beautiful song, art, a healing touch, connecting with kindred spirits.