Just got home from work and thought I would let you all know I took the plunge and left a message for a clinical nurse specialist to call me back for an appointment. It's time. Not going to lie, also poured a drink to bring to the computer with me, but I think the fact that I even spoke out last night in this group gave me the strength to make that phone call....I hope she calls back this week.
I think the turning point was during our grand rounds meeting today, there is one director of rehab that is annoying as hell and she kept interrupting the dietician and I told her to be quiet, and stop interrupting. I am so not a confrontational person either! She looked shocked I even said it. And I'm not sorry really because she was being rude, and I am in a upper management position so it's not that I CANT do it, but I just never do! The littlest things annoy me now. And worst of all I found as the day went on I started to shake so now I"m like wtf, it's time...that's when I bit the bullet and made the phone call. I don't hide my drinking...my bottle of rum is right on my kitchen counter, my family knows, some of my close friends at work know I drink every night, perhaps not how much though. I refuse to lie to others because I'm only lying to myself. It's quite hard to be a health care professional (RN) and go through this because I know everything I shouldn't do...I just choose not to listen to myself! I do know the signs that say it's time to stop or you're going to die. I think it's time.