Hi Struggle and welcome.
I do not post many replies, but what I read about your partner reminded me so much about me and what I have put mine through. I have been sober a year and made changes, but I do not blame my partner for my behaviour nor do I blame her for not loving me enough. Maybe that will come in time for yours, but also maybe it will not.
Your 'tough love' is important to you and to him. Protect and love yourself and your children first. The recovery part for him is entirely up to him. I know know this is the hard part, because that is what my partner had to do, and I saw the pain that she had to deal with. She covered for me, found the bottles, poured out the bottles, never questioned my excuses and so on ... this did nothing but made me try to lie and hide things better. I don't know what it took for me to choose recovery, but it was something in me that did it. She was tired of how she was living and could do it no longer. Her threats to leave were not enough for me to change.
I don't really have advice except to stay strong and prepare yourself for the outcome that he might never recover. If he does recover, take the time to get to know that person and see if there is a relationship left over for you. My feeling is that it will be some time before he will be in a place for a relationship with you again if that becomes the outcome.
I should end with a hopeful thought. I hate what I have done to my partner and my children. I spent every moment now that I am with them count and have so much gratitude that I found recovery. I found a way back from Hell, but if I didn't, that would be on me.
Stay strong and make your every moment count for you and your children.