I am afraid your Alcoholic sounds so far from self-honesty and into denial at this point, his recovery is far ahead. I am sorry that you are being so manipulated and it is really not his intention. The issue is that for him, it HAS to be YOUR Fault. Without it being your fault, he could no longer justify to himself his drinking. He is just lying to himself. It was a stage I was in at one time and many if not most of us. Slowly, I began to see the truth, though I of course had glimpses of the truth all along. At this point is sounds as he is far from knowing the truth, thus has a bit more of a journey before he finds it. I don't know that you really want to be involved in that part of his journey and it may never end pleasantly. Nothing about his drinking is your fault. Accept that and then look at the situation and find what is best for you and the children. I wish you the best.