Note to self: Get support network for stressful situations.
It's half an hour till dentist's. I've been sitting in the bath in tears I'm an absolute wreck. But all I wanna do is get it over with and make it to that meeting. The chair knows my story as we did Hospital/institutions service together last time I'd cleaned up and he's offered support I just thought it silly it's you know - just the Dentists.
I know better now. I'll survive this the drama is all in my head but all that past trauma was very real. I look in the mirror my face is a criss cross of scars, I wonder what the hell my heart looks like.
There's a limit to human endurance and it is well beyond what I am experiencing right now. My mind is trying to protect me but it is a broken security track. I'mma kick that (metaphorical) security guard in the nuts and go over the wall. I'll just get some help before I do. Might need a ladder.