Thank you
Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. I am moved to tears that anyone is remotely interested in my stupid ramblings. I was worried I might have experienced the kindling effect , because I was fine the first 2 times I tried to give up but after that the symptoms became more severe every time I stopped drinking. The 5th time was the scariest, I felt so bad I thought I could just die. It was like my brain was on fire with little explosions going off in my head. I still feel pretty bad today, anxious, fearful, tremors and quite tearful. My father died when he was 44 of an alcohol related illness. I was only a teenager at the time but I remember I was very negative and angry towards him and was not supportive. I feel so bad and guilty about it now and cannot believe I have put myself in the same position. I think it is payback and I deserve everything I am getting, I have earned every symptom I am now feeling. I am trying to hold it all in and altogether. It is a very lonely and shameful place to be. I really hate myself at the moment and feel quite low. I admire the strength of the many people on this boards, please forgive my self pity!