You're not the only one
Hi !
I have asked myself this questions many times, and only now do I begin to see an answer.
Like smoke said, the detachment is done for YOUR benefit, not his. we can't expect them to turn around and say "wow, look at how well she is handling everything... guess I better get MY act together!" - hmmmm... that would be perfect if it worked that way. Also, it makes me think of boundaries, and how important it is to have them in our lives. Again, these boundaries are for US, not them - NOT rules for THEM to live by (as I tried to use them). Sometimes it helps if we ask ourselves EXACTLY what we are willing to live with in our lives(and be specific); is it OK for him to use? is it OK for him to use IN our home? Is it OK that I do most of the work / chores / childcare? How much are you willing to put up with?? And it helped me to WRITE them down...
It can be so confusing to be where we are - to know how to love without smothering, and encourage without care-taking... detach without enabling. I think it really is about how much we love ourselves and what we truly want and need in our lives... sometimes we need to fight for what we deserve. Keep coming back,
Take care,
Meg