One Month post Break-up
People I know are still learning of the break-up so naturally they inquire as to what happened. Those who are closer to me would already have some what of an inkling as to my ex's drug/alcohol problem but many who are still finding out do not know our history as well (6 years together and much of it damaged by drugs/alcohol). I am finding that I feel some guilt with telling people, when they ask why we aren't together, that my ex had a drug problem. Sometimes it seems to come naturally to be honest and matter of fact about it but without too much detail, but I am starting to feel a little weird that people I am not that close to now know.
To be honest, I think the reason I am suddenly feeling guilt about it is that I ran into my ex after several weeks of no contact and some of those old feelings came back. As usual it made me consider (or hope) that someday things may be different (mostly because he says things that suggest it may not be over if he were to address his problems, but hes not doing that so far). I think seeing him reopened the wound and makes me wish things were different. Somehow this seems to be connected to me regretting telling people the truth. I start to wonder if its a subconscious desire to be back together with him someday and to not want everyone to know his addiction or judge me based on it. I know how dysfunctional that is to even consider. Having seen and talked to him for a few minutes just made me miss him even more. At the same time I know I do not want to be back with him while he is using so I feel conflicted. I get strong urges to get a hold of him and talk. I'd love to be able to hug him and have a real conversation but I have been able to refrain because realistically I know nothing has changed.
Instead of acting on any of these urges I figured I would come write on the forums and see if I can get any more insight into my guilt about telling people he has a drug problem or if anyone has had similar experiences/emotions.
Thanks