I saw somewhere someone using the term, "accountability post" - I love that idea. I'm on Day 2 (not Day 5, but that's coming). I slept OK last night, tossed and turned quite a bit, but I expected that as I've done this Day 2 thing many times. At least I know what to expect in the early days. I'm not working now so I was able to sleep in a bit, make some nutritious meals and make a list of to dos for the day to stay busy but also be kind to myself. I feel a bit fluey, am definitely tired and eating like a horse, but the anxiety of Day 1 has subsided and I'm feeling more optimistic.
It's been a rocky year. I had a bad binge in January and failed to show up for work, and I ended up losing a job of 8 years. Ironically I wasn't happy there and was feeling very stressed and overwhelmed, so I can in some way see the opportunity in the circumstances. For financial reasons I sold my house and moved back with family for a few months- that whole process was also very stressful and I had a few bad relapses that landed me in the ER twice, bruised and battered. So here I am, a 48 year old guy still battling the demon of alcohol, even after all of that. The relapses are getting harder to recover from, and at my age I feel it's now or never.
I'm tired today and feel like lying on the couch and watching movies, but I know I should get involved in AA here. I just want "ahhhh", serenity, peace. I have promised myself to update my action plan - posting here daily is going to be part of that plan, as will putting out prayers of loving kindness to all who are suffering on this board and elsewhere from this crazy thing of addiction.