Working on day 9 now. I have a Big Plan, I'm never going to drink again, ever. I'll make it through all this frustration of withdrawal.
Today I'm depressed as hell but I know it's just my brain freaking out. The hard parts come when my wife doesn't understand exactly how foggy and depressed /emotionally out of control I am. The last time I relapsed it happened after two weeks because we fought over something ridiculous.
The driving factor for me to obtain sobriety is my health. I know my liver is suffering now and every relapse has made my stomach worse. After that two week dive I started telling myself it was OK to drink one day a week. After three weeks I binged for three days and here I am now.
My wife has an abscess tooth right now so she is also miserable. I feel like a jerk in that her pain overshadows my suffering and she has no patents for me at this time. Due to her pain I can't say I blame her but there's a trend for her to end up more sick than me anytime I actually need support.
I don't have the ability to walk on egg shells today. It's also our wine club day here at the bar, we do a free tasting and it's a big social event. I'll hide in the office all day at least there's computer work to be done.
It's an exercise in frustration for sure. I just hope the brain fog doesn't last too long. I'm getting decent sleep, when I was wasted every night I'd fall asleep easy but sleep past 3 AM was always restless and tossing.
This time the symptoms of WD were worse then they have been in the past. I have a feeling they'll continue to get worse if I relapse and that helps me grit my teeth. I hadn't had depression like this before and the smallest things set me off like a firecracker.