Sunflowerlife-I completely relate to what you said about sabotaging so you don't have to engage in the world. That is me all over! Slowly though we'll get strength in our sobriety to not want to sabotage. We'll be able to deal with things in a responsible way-in a way that looks after ourselves rather than flipping the switch into self destruction. I think having a big cry is healing. Embracing the feelings rather than drugging them takes the power out of them. I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts over the web. Keep on checking here.