Algorithm, thanks for that post. I think I am just beginning to get my mind around the concept that AV includes any doubts about my success at staying alcohol-free, and any idea that I have to do something special to sustain sobriety. Or that staying alcohol-free might be too "difficult" under some circumstances.
So the AV says "Sure, you were happily sober while you had a good job and had your stress under control, but now that you're job hunting, and your mom is showing signs of dementia, and your house is all torn up from construction ... it's much harder now. You'll probably have to do a bunch of things to make sure you don't 'relapse', like study more books, post a lot on SR, etc". The AV uses fear about relapsing, and fear of feeling pain, as a way in?
It's a tricky distinction for me. I think that's because there are things I can do that make my life happier and more contented -- exercise, stay in touch with friends, meditate, keep a gratitude list, post on SR, read, etc -- these are all really good things that I can and should do. But none of those is actually required to keep me sober. I can go to my grave without ever taking another drink. How I feel in the meantime (happy and contented, or stressed and unhappy and hating life) is up to me -- I choose to take positive actions to build happiness. But that doesn't mean that the alternative to that is drinking.
I know people have posted this before, but it is taking time for me to really get this. I think because my AV really does not want me to believe I can go to my grave without drinking alcohol ever again.