Hi, all:
Haven't been here in a long time. I don't know where my head is...why do I drink so much??
I don't understand why I feel like I can't have fun if I don't drink, or I can't function or deal with stuff. I know I can. I've done it. I've felt all the feels, dealt with crap every day, I laugh more when I'm sober.
But here I am, dammit. With a hangover. I can't be anywhere near alcohol or it disappears. My husband drinks, too, and keeps whiskey around, so now that he's working out of state again, I'm drowning my sorrows in booze like an idiot.
I wake up and feel awful and have to deal with the busy day ahead. I feel guilt and shame and ugly because I drink. I feel like everyone can see it on my face. I've gained so much weight...I don't even know who's body this is that I'm wearing. I don't know who I am anymore. When did I lose all control?
So lost and so sad and pissed at myself for doing this same thing over and over and expecting something different.
I have a good life and I'm pissing it away. I don't know why.
Sorry for the rambling, but this is the only place where I feel safe saying this stuff.
