Has anyone actually been successful at "weaning" themselves?
***WARNING, LONG READ***
Newcomer here. I feel strange even typing this being that I've not verbally admitted my alcoholism to anyone, but I have no doubt that I am one. My family/friends know that I drink, how much I drink, etc. I don't hide it, but rather I boast about it as if it's one of the highlights of my personality. Ironically it is. I become a social butterfly when I drink. There are no angry outburts or crying jags. I'm happy and peppy, and friendly. I don't have Resting Bitch Face when I'm drinking. Everything is just FUN.
***Some basic info:
Stay-at-home mom to two (13 and 3 yo)
I've always been your standard social drinker. My drinking was only limited to girls night out (date night after I got married). However the quantities I drank when I did have a night out tended to be more than your average non-alcoholic female. I guess you could say I've always had a higher than normal tolerance. I started drinking about 3 nights a week somewhere around 4-5 years ago. Maybe 2 standard drinks per night (1-2 oz ea glass). Then I got pregnant, no longer drank at all, and came back full force after the birth of my son 3 years ago. It started with me being exhausted from having a newborn and virtually no sleep. But a few months after he was born I had my first drink again and I found it gave me so much temporary energy that I started having a few swigs in the evenings to keep me up and going, to get dinner cooked, house cleaned up, laundry done, etc. Fast forward a couple years and I was at somewhere around a pint per night.
***Currently:
I start drinking between 6pm-10pm EVERY night unless I'm sick. There are the rare occasions where I get "too late of a start" so I have 1 drink then go to sleep. I've always been a night owl so I go to bed usually around 1-2 am. So that's potentially 7ish hours of alcohol consumption. I take small sips and space them out over those hours. If I'm going out for the night then I drink double what I would if I were at home.
Jameson is my drink of choice, but I have had period where I switch to vodka for a couple months. I buy a fifth of Jameson and that will last me 2-3 days.
***Negative effects so far:***
-Weight gain due to the cals in liquor and also it gives me the late night munchies. Vodka doesn't have this same effect on me and I've been successful at dropping the extra lbs in the past when I switched to vodka.
-Sleep interruption.
-I started getting panic attacks/depression in 2014 which I currently still have. However I've been much improved in the last year although I drink MORE. I no longer have panic attacks really. And the depression is very mild stages that last maybe an hour. I don't know why I'm improving because I'm well aware that alcohol is a depressant, but I do feel better. I think the anxiety and depression was initially caused by an external factor that has now remedied itself somewhat. I do admit to myself though that I'd feel a hell of alot better a hell of alot faster if I put the liquor down.
- Losing all productivity "the day after" if I've gone out and drank double what I normally do. Lethargy and sleepiness, so I get absolutely nothing done that day. Luckily these are usually weekend days.
-Alcohol is ******* expensive. I'm drinking a car payment every month
***NON-Negative effects so far***
No I haven't hit rock bottom. Which is basically the reason for this excessively long post. Is it possible to wean oneself or am I just in denial?
Last night I was at that stage where I was feeling good, not too drunk, not that sloshy feeling of too much liquor in your belly. I was feeling like I was gearing up, all this energy, everything was right in the world, etc. But I knew that I had to start going to bed earlier to get my daughter to school on time in the a.m. (I am SOOOOO not a morning person). So even though I wasn't ready to stop drinking for the night I did anyway. I put the bottle away, did my standard munchie ritual (terrible I know), then chugged my 3 bottles of water and went to bed.
I was proud and a little surprised that I actually stopped "on time" this time. Usually when I feel good I just keep going when I know damn well I should be going to bed.
Wait, this is supposed to be the non-negative stuff. I digress.
Anyway, I have no physical health problems that I'm aware of.
My personal relationships have not been negatively affected by my drinking (yet). My husband and daughter actually prefer that I drink because I'm less OCD about things like towels being folded correctly and dishes loaded in the washer. In general I'm more easygoing when I'm drinking. He says I'm fun when I drink. My daughter says I'm "nicer".
So to date there hasn't been a significant loss in my quality of life. At least nothing I deem significant enough to curtail my drinking. If this sounds like I'm not ready to quit it's because I'm not. I recognize that I'm not ready, but I also recognize that it's a problem.
That being said, has anyone had experience with gradually weaning themselves? Maybe not from extreme alcoholism, but someone with experiences similar to mine?