I wish I knew exactly what you were going through, but I never got into pills. I did however get lost for years in a bottle everynight. It was the most important thing to me if you consider how much I thought about/craved it. I've only been off of it for 42 hours and it is still the only thing I think about.
The hope is that you are here, you have a beautiful mind that is capable of so much more than you know and you are STRONG enough to choose not to give in!
I KNOW this because I am doing it, HOUR BY HOUR. And i have the lowest self worth in the world.
As for losing everything. you can find it again, and in doing that, you can find yourself again.
I hope this helped (even if only a little)
Good luck to you and lots of love!