Things are worse
A good deal has happened and things have gotten harder. I had talked with his sponsor and he informed me that he and the new guy had set up a 9 point plan for Russ to follow in order to move forward and find some happiness. This, of course, included calling his sponsor every day. This was done on Tuesday night. As of Friday, Russ had missed a phone call on Friday and his sponsor was going to see what happened between then a Saturday morning. They also talked to him about going to a sober living house and he blew that off saying he'd already done that before. They also suggested that spending an exorbitant amount of time at the game store wasn't helpful in his recovery, but instead he should surround himself with people who would aid his recovery.
Before his meeting Saturday morning where he was to see his sponsor, I texted him that Russ had not followed through on part of an instruction I'd given him earlier in the week. I'd cut him some slack and let him put off twice mowing the grass when he asked. He has reasons and the grass wasn't so tall, so I said yes. He then, on Wednesday, texted me that he would either mow the grass himself on Thursday or pay a guy who has in the past mowed for us. I had texted Russ that I wasn't happy about it. I had cut him slack and now he was telling ME what He was going to do, rather than asking. I said if the grass weren't mowed by Thursday at dark and if I didn't have the $30 he was to pay on Friday for his cell phone and car insurance, he could stay somewhere else for the weekend.
The sponsor texted me back saying he was going to drop Russ as a sponsee. He said he didn't really want to try to get better at this point and he couldn't help him any further.
Russ had Facebooked that his Friday paycheck was supposedly 1/2 of what it should be because his employer left hours off it. (We later come to find out he forgot to clock in one day which delayed part of his pay one week). Anyway, Saturday before his AA meeting I told him that since he got a short paycheck Friday and did not pay me as promised, that I wasn't kicking out for the weekend. I also said that he should not go to the game store but instead, spend his time applying for that extra part-time job he needs.
He did not react well, he lowered his head and said very little. He walked out and went to his meeting, doing what I consider to be pouting. He got the meeting and his sponsor fired him. He then went into a funk posting on Facebook how bad things were and how he really needed a break from all the troubles he's having. He was cold as ice to me all day and still will be today. He's done this before and the last time it was when I wouldn't loan him money.
He spent what money he did have last week frivolously after having been advised repeated by me how to do better than that. His sponsor basically told me that Russ was acting like a child and testing the waters to see how little he can get by with, a long time pattern for him.
Well, thing around here aren't pleasant and I'm tolerating less and less of his crap. Put his depression, anxiety, ADD and so forth aside and just understand that his main mode of behavior right now is oppositional and he is resisting doing the things he needs to recover.
He's a dry drunk and has what they call stinking thinking in AA. Friends at Alanon shared with us Friday night that the Salvation Army really isn't all that bad. They get a bed, food and are allowed to stay something like 45 days. Many of them have been through similar with their children and the were helpful.
Russ's thinking is skewed. He is upset with me over something I said a month ago, which I really didn't handle well. But he hasn't shared that with me, he told his mother. He resents me telling him what to do. I often, like Saturday, tell him what has to happen "or you can do it your way but you will have to move out." This pisses him off. He really believes a lot of the stuff that goes on in his head. He's angry even at the people who try the hardest to help him. One of them has now let him go, his sponsor, and I don't know how much longer I will be able to tolerate his disease residing in our home. It is not a good situation. While his thinking is skewed, I can't let that be a reason for him to jeopardize my and his mom's sanity. And, it is affecting us physically and emotionally.
Thanks for listening