tekink

Just and introduction here.

I've been drinking daily for 23 years, working in the bar industry nearly all of that time. While that does provide ample opportunities to drink at first I was just a moderate drinker able to have one or two and not worry about it. The first time I started drinking more was about 18 years ago when I quit smoking. Somehow my tolerance doubled instantly, it actually made it easier to not drink in bars because I knew I'd puke if I did. Giving up the smokes was hard but I've not smoked since.

1-2 drinks turned into 3-6 drinks for a few years but in 2002 I got a DUI. That woke me up a little and I quit doing things like drinking on the job (in that state at the time it was acceptable at the job and not against state law to consume alcohol in the bar. As long as our performance didn't suffer it was OK. I was a top seller, with a strong regular customer following. My drinking on the job didn't bring me down. The DUI however woke me up. I was lucky when I got it as I was low that night, prior to that I'd drive sloshed more often than I'd like to admit.

I was back down to 1-2 a day after that, with occasionally more.

I have back problems and in 2006 started taking mild opiates per Dr recommendation. In 2008 I hurt myself more in Physical Therapy that lead into a downward spiral of stronger and stronger meds. I med regime was shocking when I look back at how much I was actually taking. Elevated to the very strong stuff, they actually seemed to make me hurt more but that's another story for some other place. The point here is in early 2014 I decided to kick the meds.

That withdrawal was awful, and horrible, and seemingly endless. 2 1/2 years laters it's insomnia still plagues me hard. The head fog was insane. I'm lucky this was not a recreational drug for me so I didn't have that craving. However when I was on the meds I couldn't drink more than 2 drinks without passing out asleep. I was pretty much asleep the whole time I was taking those things with or without a beer. Once quitting my old friend alcohol was there again to self medicate through the recovery. And wow, I could suddenly drink a lot and I did. 1-2 turned to 6-8 or more drinks (I drink the double alcohol beers so that's more like 12-16, or maybe 1-2 bottles of wine a night.

This is where my current problem began.

Jan 2015 a blood test showed high liver enzymes but I didn't follow up as my insurance had just ended.

I also opened a bar with my wife that same month, now I'm surrounded by alcohol. The blood test was weighing on me in the back of the mind and this spring I started feeling pain on my right side at the bottom of my rib cage, black tarry stools and the such and it finally tipped me to the point where I was ready to give it a kick. That combined with a few nights of falling over (nearly broke my elbow once) embarrassing my wife did the trick..

At the start of the summer I put down the drink and made it 8 weeks. I fell off for a month and made it two weeks before falling off for a couple weeks.

Currently over the last four weeks I've been drinking one or two nights a week, trying to taper off a little but I know that's not going to work. I start slipping soon and once I get that first drink I just cannot stop.

I'm on day 3 now and I hope to make it this time. Going on and off only seems to add to the WD depression that's got me down right now.

At least from kicking the opiates I know all about PAWS and the waves of symptoms coming and going. This one is a little harder because it's a social thing. I'll be talking more about my progress in the other forums. The cravings frustrate the heck out of me and spending 60 hours a week in a bar doesn't help one bit, at least I have a culinary background also and with our exelect food I'm able to hide out in the back of the house as I make it through this.

Thanks for reading! Just typing this out has lifted some of the depression that's been hitting me today.