Hey gaz,
Hang in there. As hard as this sounds, don't sit and torture yourself by thinking of her, and what she's doing conatantly. Try really hard ( and I know that it;s not easy) to just keep working on yourself, and your life. You will prove to her over time that you can stay sober, and maybe then once you do, she will maek the choice to come back to you. But giving in, and drinking, will only further your problems, and will NOT bring her any closer to you, I'm sure you realize that, but keep reminding yourself, so when the urge to drink gets strong, you will be able to handle it.. Remembering that you will not get her back probably ever if you continue to drink.
We put the people we love through so much when we abuse. I understand that, and you also need to, and you probably do. But giving her time and space, and you showing your changing at the same time is probably the only way back.
Try going to some AA meetings. Throw yourself into a program that will help you. Just right now, worry about just you....
I hope you stick around here. Even sometimes when you people say things that you may ot want to hear, realy it's just to help you, so stick round, and post, and post...
and READ the boards here....
'm truly glad your here. Please dn't try to drink just to see if you can have one, and not anymore, it will only eventually lead you back,, and back is not where you want to go,, You want a new better life, right? You can ONLY get sober for yourself, you can't even do it, because she wants you to, it has to be you wanting more than anything.
Hang on buddy, you'll get there.. if you work it,,,
Love, Becky