And that^^ is why Alanon and/or counseling is recommended. That kind of situation isn't a lot healthier for anyone involved than the previous one w/the drinking, etc. As you say, alcoholism is the family disease.
It seemed ridiculous that people kept telling me to "work on myself" and asking me "what are you doing for yourself?" It annoyed me! I resented the fact that it looked like was indeed going to have to break down and work on myself rather than blame the A for everything. And that's part of the reason that he was able to fake recovery for 4 years--I wasn't working my own recovery, and thus I made no progress myself. I was looking to HIM to change everything--his life, my life, our world--and it worked about as well as you'd expect it would.
Please don't misunderstand me as saying that you should bury your feelings and pretend all is hunky dory when it is NOT, AG. That's another thing that took me a long time to begin to understand--admitting that I had a part in the craziness is NOT the same as saying I was to blame for his drinking. But boy, it sure made me mad in the early days when I didn't get the difference!