GT-
I am recognizing this for what it is.... Not me. Drinking is not an option. I think my main question is why so restless now that I no longer reason or argue with my beast. I Recognize it and move on.... Yet I feel scattered sometimes. Does that make sense?
My brother has been a miserably sober person for about two weeks now (since his last trip to the hospital for detox) and if anything I feel grateful not to be like him.
However, you are right... I am allowing myself to live by external rules and not internal. I KNOW I will never drink again and I know I WILL NEVER change my mind.... The rest is just life.
As always your responses are thought provoking. And I reread them many times.
Thank you for your insight.
Algorithm-
There will be a time when I will not think about my beast... That time has not come yet. However, that is food for thought.... Presence or absence of the beast voice changes nothing. I have nothing to fear as I control my actions. My beast cannot pick up a drink.
Thank you both,
Jess