There are so many.
Having the shakes and barely being able to write when I wasn't drinking.
The paranoia about my health, obsessively trying to evaluate if my skin looked yellow.
The money I spent.
The constant effort of trying to hide it, and thinking I was doing a good job (there's no way that I was, looking back).
Having the support of my family and friends, and knowing they're proud of how far I've come.
Being able to be present and available when someone needs me.
I can't imagine re-entering that hell.