FireSprite

Me too & that is still codependent thinking no matter how it gets relabeled as "positive" or "supportive". YOUR reactions should reflect YOUR natural feelings about what is going on. If you need to censor yourself to ensure a reaction from him, that's about him not you. If you're just learning new ways to get out of your OWN dysfunction & it's more about wanting to adapt better behaviors & patterns then A-ok. Here's a quick way to judge yourself - are you doing this in all of your relationships or just in response to him? Codependent healing isn't just about our qualifiers; it's unlikely that that same internal dialogue/pattern only exists in one area of your world.

I'd LOVE to see a post from you that is about you & your growth in a way that doesn't hold it in measurement against him/his.

I feel like your efforts toward building trust are better served in building self-trust, self-respect, self-love....which is what your recovery is about.

IMO, you can't work on rebuilding trust between 2 people so early in recovery, it's ridiculous to think that a few weeks of so-so is anything but the first baby steps. Trust is built through repeated actions & that's not even something you CAN foresee or predict - it's a complete time-wasting future-trip.

But not so in rebuilding your trust in yourself. That is something you can work on every single day all on your own. When I had that part of myself rebuilt, working toward the same with others was a whole new ballgame & I couldn't have realized that until I'd taken the time/steps for myself first because I learned & changed so much during that process and that became the foundation for the rest to build onto. You kinda realize it in this statement:

My point is that when I had that Self-Thing figured out, I no longer needed reassurance at all because it wasn't necessary. I trusted that no matter what his words/actions, *I* would be able to depend on *me*.