Originally Posted by
gbriezy 
Yes, it's been so lonely for so long. Today I was feeling sad because it was such a beautiful early fall day. It's my favorite season. I love cheesy stuff like apple picking, haunted houses and going to outdoor festivals. I thought, god -- I'm going to miss out on so much this fall. But then I remembered that he refuses to do stuff like that with me anyway!
Oh, I can relate to this so much! I'd be looking at a beautiful sunset and wish he was there to share it w/me. I'd be walking the dogs on a lovely morning and wish he was walking with us. I'd have a tough day at work and wish he was there for me to talk to about it. Oh, how I (thought) I missed him and the things we used to do!
But just like you, I realized that was all fairy dust. How long had it been since any of those things had actually happened?
He would have been drinking, pretending to work on a model airplane, while the sunset was happening, not watching it w/me.
He would have been cranky, distant and hungover during the dog walk and like as not would have picked a fight and stormed off home, leaving me to finish the walk alone. That would be IF he even came with me in the first place.
He would have sat while I talked about my bad day, offering nothing, looking bored, and eventually said something like "so are you done now? I need to get upstairs and get another coat of paint on the plane."
Like we talked about the other day, what we are missing is NOT the actual person, the reality of our lives together--we are missing what we hoped for and dreamed of. We still have to mourn that, but it's important that we realize exactly what it is that we're mourning...