My alcoholism progressed to the point of being a blackout drunk. I was not even able to meter my consumption to avoid this, I blacked out after only a few drinks during my last episode. When I came to I was in the middle of a pretty scary situation.
I know that if I pick up a drink, I will go right back to that same level of drinking, I have no idea what would happen, or what consequences I may face if I pick up. That is scary **** for me, no thanks.