I seriously have a horrific schedule the next month. My thought was to try and cut back and then in mid-October go into detox, when my schedule is more manageable.
In any event, thank u so much for your responses. I cannot tell u how alone I feel right now. No one knows how bad my addiction is but me. My wife, my children, my colleagues, My friends do not know the depths of this thing. I have been very successful at my deception. And therein lies the problem. I do not get smashed, I really don't. But I am drinking just to feel "normal". And when I am "there" I stop. But within hours normalcy is gone. And it's back o the treadmill.
But, after reading your responses I feel connected to people who know what you am going through. It is a terrible feeling of knowing that every time u lift that glass it is digging the hole deeper and deeper; but digging is all u can do to get through the day.