Hello SoinLove,
How is the counseling going? Has this person recommended any books or journaling to you? I think one of your compounding issues is the recent death of your father. You have a lot on your plate!
So have you gone to an Al Anon meeting yet? Have you looked up the times and locations?
I'm suspecting not and I get it 110%. A friend of mine at work invited me to her Al Anon group and I never went with her. I never went to an Al Anon meeting until maybe 6 years after her invitation. And when I finally did go, I had looked up and written down the times of several meetings several weeks before I finally had the guts to go.
When I walked in, the people were very kind. It wound up not being the group I stuck with, but it got me started on learning about how addictions impact families and relationships.
Time to make some new connections. These connections will help you not only speak truth but learn to live it with better boundaries. I made a ton of headway using counseling, SR and Al Anon.