soinlove

Loving an alcoholic is always a roller coaster.. I have known that and yet was sho Jed when thus started again recently. It was usually just 1-2 in the evening unwinding from work & id have a glass of wine myself. Then recently due to bad weather he'd have to be off work for a day here and there. When i came home from work (@4:30 pm) he'd be asleep and several cans ( spiked iced tea) would be on nightstand & I noticed z few more in trash when I'd toss something out. All last weekend when we were supposed to go do some things to enjoy the weather & holiday weekend with my preteen kids... He stayed in bed/ sad he didn't feel great. We'd talk about it later & he'd admit to having too much , along with taking his prescribed meds ( for anxiety & depression ). Sun- Wed were great... Normal work days no drinking. Then Thursday was rainy do he couldn't work, I came home and again way to many cans and sleeping until 7 pm. Through this all I go about my normal life doing this & that ... But it's getting to me--& I've told him it's hurting me that he's choosing this over me.
Friday is another bad weather day so he isn't working...but told me in morning all the things he needed to do. I ran home at lunch excited to see him.. And I find him still in bed. He's in a great mood .. Which changes quickly when I comment on the dozen plus empty cans .. I asked what happened to you telling me last night that you were fine drinking that particular stuff?( he acts diff, more angry and hostile when he has that vs something like beer)... He said I guess I lied. I threw the cans away & do a few things before going back to work. Before I left I went and layed by him & said.. I hope you know how much I truly love you, I'm scared ,& I'm unsure what I'm to do... I know you can go this if you choose too , but it's got to be your choice .. Il help in any way I can, but please know that you repeatedly choosing drinking is telling me you are choosing it over me...& I know that deep down that isn't you & I don't think that's what you really want. I asked if he'd meet me after work for dinner or something & he said yes& I love you so so much.
... And I went back to work.
My kids had to come by about 4& they said when they got there he was leaving ..& said something about he had to go take care of a few things ( kids are with their dad for this weekend ). I got home about 20 min later & knew something was wrong. They had left for weekend, but abf was still gone & he'd taken his dog & lAptop with him .. But nothing else ( well from what I can tell a change of clothes )... But everything else is still here .. Bathroom stuff, dog stuff, work boots & clothes, etc
Yet I never heard from him last night... No calls, no texts & he never came back home... He has never just left like this without at least telling me he needed some time or something line that...
I cried, I was angry , now I am just sad. Sad that this is happening ... I stood up to him about the amounts he was drinking and that it was affecting our relationship ... & he ran ..
He isn't speaking to parents but that is unrelated to this , so I know he didn't go there ... I don't know.. Maybe a hotel or motel that allows pets ?... So he could binge drink ?...
I know I'll talk to him again , but I have some thinking to do ... This is my life & he is my life partner ( only a week ago he told me he's started looking at rings ) & we each have out issues to work on... But this is a big one ...
Love is tough & I'm in it for the long haul .. But I do have boundaries .. This is one he has to decide on , I'll help but it has to be his decision .