He doesn't sound very anguished to me
You are the one who sounds anguished, and no wonder. In my opinion, allowing someone to lead a "responsibility free" life is beyond detachment. Think about you, and what you deserve. You deserve a partner is who willing and able to help you raise your family and meet your financial responsibilities.
It's been my experience that if I don't set boundries with people, they will take full advantage of that. It sounds like you are on the brink of making a decision. You can either continue to live with the situation as it is, or request that changes be made. You just have to be sure that you can live with the consequences when you ask for responsible behavior.
You are well within your rights to be frustrated with someone who spends their day getting high and playing computer games.
Peace,
Gabe