Shame
Trying to start new once again, and I feel ashamed I haven't been strong enough before. I began another lifestyle change two weeks ago. I cut back drastically on the drinking....the amount of days, not the amount I drank in one sitting. That has actually been going well, but let's get real. It isn't going to work. If it did, I wouldn't have a problem. So I figured while I am on this roll of trying to become healthier (even with my eating habits), I may as well give it another shot and jump on the wagon. This 3 day weekend did not help things and was ANOTHER eye opener for me. That I have just got to quit all together. I am seeing a counselor now and have planned on seeing even more doctors for my physical health. Supposed to get a phone call back from one tomorrow.
I have now mentioned to my husband that I would like to get healthier and cut back. I don't think he completely understands though, as he has bought me alcohol since telling him that. He did it thinking...well she likes to drink. He wasn't thinking of it as hurting me.
I feel like everything is falling apart at the moment and the only way to even begin to put everything back together is to first get myself better. I know my triggers and am going to battle with those. Nights before an off day are REALLY hard for me to resist.
I do need some accountability so I will most likely be checking in here a lot more than I have in the past.
I want my old life back. I want to be thin again. I want to have energy again. I want to be happy again. So...here's to yet ANOTHER fresh start.