gbriezy......Don't you think that a relationship is a 2-way street?
Support and respect has to be reciprocal in a healthy relationship.....
from what I can see....you have been on a one lane, unpaved road for a long time....
I think you tried to do what could not be done.....
Like, you tried to knock down a brick wall by banging your head against it....
An addict lives in a world seen through a different filter than you. A self centered person looks at the world through a different filter than you do.
They protect themselves--their own ego needs and their ability to drink without interference, at all costs!!!
You got in the way of all that...and, as a result, a lot of damage has been done to you. You tried to solve it in the only way you knew...and, almost lost yourself in the process.
Begin to challenge your own sense of "guilt". Feeling excessive guilt will prolong your own recovery...as it serves no constructive purpose. You didn't TRY to hurt him....you just tried to protect yourself in a way that was destined to never, never, ever work!
You need to heal and get this behind you...eventually...
By the way...it wasn't strength that he showed///it was fleeing to protect his own ability to function the way he always has...without your interference....
In a way, he has "accidently" done what you were not able to do....He has opened the prison doors for you!!!!!!!!!!!
In about 10yrs.....remember to send him a Thank You note.....