Hello Susanna, and welcome!
In a way, I guess it could be argued that staying in a living situation with anyone who is not pulling their weight could be considered enabling. Sometimes I think we make "enabling" into a big boogeyman, though. I don't see what choice you have where your kids are concerned. They have to have care and if he's not helping it's all on you.
The detachment and serenity you hope to obtain by it are for you. Not him. We let go of trying to affect or control their behavior because it doesn't do any good and makes us crazy to keep trying. Turning your home into a battlefield will not make him sober up. However, telling someone what the minimum standard of behavior you will abide is, is not necessarily turning your home into a battlefield. Only you know what you are willing to put up with. If you're willing to put up with anything to keep him in your life, that's okay. But if there are limits, it's okay to tell him what they are. Be careful of making ultimatums or announcing boundaries you won't be able to stick to. I did that. I got steamrolled.
Hugs,
Smoke