Feeling broken after breakup
I'm not sure why I'm posting exactly -- maybe I'm just hoping for some reassurance that things will get better.
I've been in an almost six year relationship with an alcoholic 29 year old man (typically 10-12+ beers a night, sometimes more). Two days ago after a fight, he decided to make our breakup officially by contacting our landlord (and his mother) to announce that we are over and make plans to vacate our apartment. Though we've been on the rocks for months and I should be relieved, I feel desperately abandoned. I think there must be something wrong with me.
I'm not sure why I continue to think that he will change and become this amazing man or that after our breakup, he'll finally be an amazing man for someone else. He's always been selfish and self-absorbed. He's a musician convinced that he will make it big, etc. But in the meantime, he's an Uber driver with significant credit card debt, a car he can't afford and hasn't filed his taxes in two years. Not that it matters, but I'm college educated, attractive and have a stable, well paying job. I'm just not an "artist" like him.
On paper, he doesn't sound like a catch, but I'm struggling not to beg him to give us another chance. It's utterly pathetic, I know. I just hope it gets better fast.