Hi - Its been a while since I've written on SR but your message inspired me to write. I told my AH that I wanted a divorce and sent him packing. Didn't file though because he convinced me to let him try and get sober - 70 days he went without a drink. He's back in the house and I'm thinking maybe this will work. Then his son calls and says he wants to move in with us and my AH relapses. I was out of town and he called and confessed even though we both knew that I knew he had relapsed when I called that night.
But its not just about the alcohol, its about his totally narcissistic personality disorder evidenced by the fact that while his son is there visiting for the weekend before he actually makes the move, my AH blows up over my "wanting to talk sometime soon about the move". Long story short, the son actually is the one who calls 911 because his dad is threatening to "beat the ****" out of me and chasing me around the house.
I tell my AH to get out. He calls several times in the next few days and asks for reconciliation. I tell him no. He runs to the lawyer and files before I can so he can tell everyone he is divorcing me. What an ****
Anyway, after all that, how can I say I miss him. How can I say I still love him. Its all a sickness. I am so lonely and I am so scared but I know that this is not love, this is an addiction and I am just like any other junkie that must detox. Check out
www.divorcerecovery101.com. Great advice on how to do just that. I log in every time I am tempted to call him and beg him to come back.
I know that I will get through this but it is unbelievably painful. I know you can too.
Peace
Not GivingUp on Me!