difference between detachment and enabling?
Hi, I'm new here, and after dabbling in Al-Anon about 15 years ago in an old relationship, I'm now seriously looking for a better way in my current relationship.
I am pondering something and I'd really love some input.
My husband has been unemployed for about eight months now and is deteriorating. He's a bi-polar binge drinker currently drinking heavily. He's also addicted to computer games and spends at least twenty hours a day playing. At least.
I have four children (two under the age of two) and am running ragged taking care of everything. I am not arguing with my husband. I am not shaming, blaming, crying, berating, scolding, chastisting, or complaining. I am trying to stay poised and just take care of myself and my kids. I feel so detached I feel like a robot sometimes.
I wonder though, does my quiet resolve imply to him approval of what he's doing? By taking care of the children single handedly does that not enable him to continue NOT taking care of them? He seems perfectly okay with our arrangement. Do I continue coasting along like this with him? I'm keeping things peaceful in the household, but isn't this coddling him?
I know an alcoholic is anguished, but it sure can look like easy street to me, comparitively speaking.
Any input would be appreciated...and then I have another question!
Susanna