Originally Posted by
healthyagain 
The purpose of self-sabotaging is to be able to say: "Screw it! I knew this would happen. Nothing is ever done! . . . . . . oh, hello Glass, my old friend, you never let me down!"
Yes, this right there is what I was referring to as "vacation from life". Is it a choice to say "screw it"? Or once the thinking pattern starts here is no way back? I feel like XAH was dry/sober? for enough time to recognize relapse thinking patterns that got him to the "screw it" part.
FeelingGreat - I think you are right - he gave himself permission to relapse (and his reasons are many - lack of career, DS's autism, which to me seems would be a deterrent - child needs both parents more so than typical child)
Once I think of it - the "screw it" thinking was probably always there and manifested itself in laziness, lack of ambition, and lack of enjoyment in real life....
Trying to understand addiction...thank you all for input - keep it coming
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