EndGameNYC

My response may be off, but I'm basing it on what I've read in your comments over the past three years.

As far as self-doctoring is concerned, what I'm getting at is that you seem to be settling for something less than you might need and may also be unaware of needing. There's a huge gap between running off to the doctor every time you stub your toe and only going when something's obviously gone wrong. My concern for your children is not about their being insured, but that their father may not be getting adequate care.

Optimum health often has little to do with how we feel. A doctor's responsibility is in preventing diseases that are not present and treating those that are. He isn't responsible for making his patients feel good, though that is often a consequence of good health, but not always. Many people don't "feel" tumors or their effects for several months. Few people "feel" bad about having diabetes for a long time before the diagnosis is rendered. I won't give anymore gruesome examples, but I hope you know what I mean.

To respond to your observations, you've commented about your dissatisfaction with work for years, just as you've commented about your early abuse for years. Concluding that it's "just there..." I don't even know what that means but, from your own words, you don't have to be a psychologist to see that it hasn't just gone away on its own, and still influences your thinking, and possibly your behavior. Like not taking care of yourself, physically and emotionally.

I wish you nothing but the best, but I've also noticed a tendency to sweep things under the carpet, or just "move on" as though your concerns will somehow take care of themselves as long as you don't do anything about them. Or that thinking them through in a more or less rational manner will drain them of their power. I'm only surprised that you haven't noticed this.