Ny Dad,
Now you know why they call alcohlism a family disease. Her disease has made you miserable. The way you explain your marriage now was how I was living with my axh the last two years of my marriage. Very sad.
Once again, during her sobriety, its all about how well she is doing, she is getting help and had 2 months in rehab to get her shxt together. Once again, you pull all the weight. Then u just sit and wait till she starts drinking again. Always cautious to let your guard down. Every one here gets it. Outside world wouldn't. Life should just be a bed of roses now that she is sober. Wrong.
In reality it doesn't work that way. You need a 2 month rehab for the 16 years you put up with her in the destruction of your life together. You need intense therapy with what you and your kids have dealt with. We get why u r miserable.
You have 2 choices, work on the marriage or walk. Get some help for yourself so you can be happy again. It took me 2 alanon meetings and 2 open aa meeting a week for 10 straight months, plus sr every night to come to terms of my divorce after 34 years together. But I can smile and be the happy person I was before my life with my addict. Just like with an active a, there is always hope/help for us. If you choose to get the help and do it.
Hugs my friend, read the stickies above, hit more meetings, work a program and you will be ok with any decisions you have to make.