Wow Bunny and Mera. Definately gives me hope. Thank you to all of you for your responses. When I think about it it is all so stupid actually. I can see how non alcoholics do not understand. Why in the world would I let something as ridiculous as alcohol be a priority over my looks? My health? My relationships? Well, I know why, because I am an alcoholic, but the logical part of me thinks it is so stupid. I was so thin and in great shape before alcohol. And for the past 15 years I have drank myself into a mess. I can't stand to look in the mirror. I don't even recognize myself. I need to stop worrying about the physical appearance so much and just focus on one day at a time and each day will be a day toward getting back the healthy version on ME.