I have never, EVER, used the word perfect to describe myself or a single thing about me as a person. It wouldn't occur to me to do so - I do not think of myself as even in the ballpark of Perfect.
So when the word Perfectionism first came up in recovery, I blew right past it - it didn't apply to me.
Then I started to see DD display some of the signs of it & I re-examined myself; OK I see it differently through this filter, maybe I have been guilty of this at times. I've worked consciously at identifying & correcting it when I see it in my life now & have definitely made some progress.
Last week, I opened a new set of journals that I'm going to use for a specific mental project. It's been a while since I've cracked open a completely new journal - all those blank, unlined pages just anticipating my words.
I immediately stuck a partial pad of post-it notes to the first page. You know - so I could organize my thoughts
before writing them in my own journal. I want it to be "right" and I'm not sure how all this is going to tumble out of my head.
It took me
a few days to realize I was basically telling myself that my first, unfiltered thoughts aren't "good enough" and that it has to be organized/worded just perfectly before being inked on those pages forever. That's ridiculous. See how this stuff creeps into our daily life?
