When I said I was tired of thinking about my Dad I really meant it, but it was more than that. At the time I didn’t realize it was more than being tired of him or just PMS but I wasn’t paying attention.
I think that was Friday night.
One of the side effects of Topamax is weight loss. When I started taking it in May I microanzalyzed the side effects, lol. From most of what I read, very few people have lost an excessive amount of weight from this medication. This drug has killed my appetite and since June I have lost over 30 lb., which isn't a big deal because I can spare it - that and about another 30. I really have to force myself to eat and have been subsisting mostly on Atkins shakes, bananas, nutrition bars and popcorn. I make sure I get enough nutrients, but I’ve been really low on calories.
So anyway, Friday night I was up late reading and just feeling sluggish. My body was telling me I was hungry but my brain wasn’t (or at least the part not connected to satiety wasn’t). So I went downstairs to make some popcorn as I’d already had everything else. As I was standing in front of the microwave I felt like I was going to vomit and then felt like I was going to faint. Then I felt cold and clammy and thought I was just having a panic attack. So my popcorn finished popping and I just dropped my unopened bag of popcorn onto the floor next to the sofa and collapsed onto it (the sofa, lol). I fell asleep (at least I think I fell asleep) and when I woke up the bag of popcorn was cold and I took it upstairs and continued reading the narcissist's advice and ate my bag of popcorn (D says my side of the bed looks like the floor of a movie theatre with all of my power bar wrappers, empty water bottles, twisted up, empty bags of popcorn, etc. strewn about – I’m such a scrub, lol!). But that just goes to show how neglectful I’ve been of everything lately – even myself.
The next day I was dragging even more and asked D to kindly run out and grab me some food. He brought me back a large fry, a Double Quarter-Pounder with Cheese and a box of Chicken McNuggets (10 pc). How I ate all of that I’ll never know, but I did. The food was crap but the calories did make a huge amount of difference. I think today I’m going to take some magnesium and potassium supplements. When I did ketogenic diets in the past I remember being careful about not allowing electrolytes to get out of whack and I’m pretty sure I haven’t been getting enough of those. Potassium can be tricky but these prepackaged foods only contain like FIVE percent of the daily value. I bought some in bulk a while back and shoved it into empty capsules. That’s the only way to get it in decent amounts. In hindsight, I wish I’d used some when I knew I was low on calories. But, like I said, I wasn’t paying attention. So I’m glad I have some of this stuff around or else I’d be on my way somewhere soon getting stuck with an IV. Fun times.