Not sure if I want to start a new thread for this, but did wanted to talk about my last drunken day. I'm work in retail so naturally I get days off in the middle of the week usually. On my one day off I decided to go play golf with a friend, which of course meant it was time to "pack the cooler with some aiming fluid" as usual. Tee off was 10am, figured I'd drink some water until the back nine and crack a beer. Yeah that lasted all of the amount of time it took to load the golf cart and I decided to drink the two beers that wouldn't fit in the cooler while sitting in the parking lot before teeing off. Fast forward 4.5 hours and 10 of the 12 beers are gone with 2 left for the ride home (bad decision as usual) by this point I'm feeling invincible and it's barely 1pm. Time for a shower and some downtime watching tv or something before the wife gets home at 6pm(gotta drink a few more before she gets home) I didn't want to hear about it. Didn't want to hear the concern for my health that I referred to as nagging if she saw me with beer in hand. So 4 hours and another 8-10 (who's counting at this point anyway) go by and it's 5pm, time to get up and get my s*it together before the misses gets home. I actual had the thought that I could act semi sober after that many beers. Wife arrives home, I'm trying to be sociable and ask about her day, she asks how many beers did I have golfing? 4-5 of course. It didn't take long for me to feel guilty bc I knew she saw through my BS instantly. She tried to be nice, caring, oblivious to my state of mind and the more she did that, the worse I felt for letting her down again. The emotions of guilt, denial, sorrow I felt for where I was soon turned into anger and resentment towards bc "she shouldn't judge me" " I'm a grown man and will do what I want, I have control". Needless to say, I ended up starting an argument and being a jacka** to her yet again before passing out. I cannot continue doing this, and I have to take control back, I know I'm ruining my health and my marriage. Just wanted to get this out here.