welcome, E10.
I just don't think I'm willing to give something up that I can handle more times than not..
well then, that kinda says enough.
i wasn't willing for a long time, either.
i
was willing to improve my handling ability by various methods and found i couldn't.
a most awkward spot, that!
i sat in that spot for a good long time.
later, i got willing . not to give something up but to get free.
get clear on what you're trying to accomplish, get honest on your own experience, maybe make a committment for a temporary abstinence period of, oh, six months, and see how that goes.
where you live....irrelevant to any of it.
as to your question: i came to the conclusion when years and years of efforts/attempts to control my drinking proved impossible. it was the understanding i was a drunk that got me one day
. the fact i had lost power of choice.