EndGameNYC

I don't take you as being contrary.

Bear in mind that we cannot easily know what's in another person's heart. What you're describing is a person who lives a life of misery. And their primary regret has much more to do with having been born than it does with dying, though they are often partly or fully unaware of this.

What's going on with people who are miserable, and the best way for them to externalize what's going on inside, is to attempt to make other people feel their own misery. And they have knack for doing this. In my business, this process is sometimes referred to as "projective identification," which is essentially projecting our self-hatred on others so as to render it less toxic and less frightening. If I attribute to other people that which I hate in myself, it is much less threatening than when I wholly accept it as part of who I am. If I make other people "bad," then that allows me to be the "good one." It's an extremely primitive defense, and it's purpose is to fend off the death of a self that is disorganized and fractured in the extreme, and never at all confident in its continued existence.

When we come across people who are like this, we can conclude with no measure of uncertainty and without ambiguity that the way that they treat us and other people is a reflection of their internal experience, the way they experience themselves. This I can guarantee, not matter what we may perceive on the outside, what they say, or what they do. At some point, my only choice is to treat them with either compassion or indifference.

I can tell you from professional experience that people who live miserable lives do not live, nor do they die, without regrets.